


Voluntary Surrender

by mescalinen



Series: The Police Department [1]
Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Criminals, Alternate Universe - Police, Attempt at Humor, Crimes & Criminals, Gen, Happy Ending, Humor, Humorous Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 06:16:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16948575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mescalinen/pseuds/mescalinen
Summary: . . .POLICE DEPARTMENT NOTICEMONTH OF VOLUNTARY SURRENDER OF ILLEGAL FIREARMS. . .Sounds useful to most; a way to help yourself as well as your local police.For others, this notice translates as something far more interesting.





	Voluntary Surrender

    Tom glances at his watch and frowns. He turns and looks out of the window from the office, but there is no one in sight. He turns to Edd, who is twirling a pen between his fingers.

    ‘This command isn’t working out so well,’ Edd sighs, with boredom, not because he feels forced to fulfill the order of the general. ‘It’s ‘cause the people don’t trust us,’ he huffs, shaking his head and looking away.

    Tom suddenly has an idea.

    ‘Hey,’ he taps Edd’s shoulder, ‘what if we give in our own guns? The general wouldn’t know.’

    Edd shakes his head. ‘They’ve got serial numbers on them.’

    ‘We could erase them?’

    Edd thinks for a moment.

    ‘No, the penalty for not fulfilling the order is more than the reward for fulfilling it.’

    Tom frowns.

    ‘Maybe nobody wants to come here, especially since most of the time we tell them to fuck off?’ Tom suggests.

    ‘We did state on the notice that we accept calls.’

    The two policemen look at the old phone on their joined desk at the same time. Edd looks up at Tom, but he shrugs.

    ‘They probably can’t reach us,’ Tom huffs.

    A moment later the phone rings, and Edd takes it off its stand and then drops the call by placing it back down. 

    ‘I don’t know why they don’t trust us,’ Edd sighs.

    The phone rings again, and Edd repeats his action.

    ‘Maybe they’d—‘

    The phone rings again, but Tom grabs it before Edd can. He takes it to his ear.

    ‘Hello?’ Tom blows into the phone’s microphone, but doesn’t hear anything. ‘No one,’ he says, dropping it.

    Then there’s a knock on their door, which later opens. A man walks in, grinning and holding a large duffle bag. Tom and Edd share an amused look. 

    ‘Well, look who’s come for a visit,’ Edd laughs.

    The man lets out an ugly laugh.

    ‘We thought we’d see you next by the time we’ve all gone grey,’ Tom comments.

    ‘Nah, chief, I couldn’t do that,’ the man says.

    ‘So, Tord,’ Edd reffers to the man, ‘is there a particular reason you’ve come?’

    ‘Pfft, duh,’ Tord says, getting out a crumpled paper from his pocket. He unfolds the paper. ‘I’ve come here for the, uh,’ he squints, ‘ _voluntary surrender of illegal firearms_.’

    ‘Ah, I see,’ Edd huffs. ‘Well, get them out, then.’

    Tord stays still. ‘There is a reward, right?’

    Edd and Tom look at each other.

    ‘Tord, don’t overbend the ruler here, there’s nothing in the paper stating about any reward.’

    ‘Well then,’ Tord shrugs, turning to leave.

    ‘Hey, hey, hey—‘ Tom stops him, and Tord turns back to him again. ‘Think well, where would two simple policemen find money?.’

    ‘In a country like this, you all are the ones who have all the money,’ Tord grunts.

    ‘Would a reward as an expensive bottle of alcohol suit you, though?’ Edd asks, ignoring Tord’s comment.

    Tord narrows his eyes for a moment.

    ‘Mm, throw another fifty bucks on top for some cigars and we have a deal.’

    The two policemen look at each other again. Tom shrugs.

    ‘Okay, okay, but first show us what you’ve got there.’

    Tord walks over and places his duffle bag on the desk.

    ‘What’d you think he’s got there?’ Edd laughs to Tom.

    ‘I hope it’s not some illegal water guns,’ Tom smiles.

    Tord flashes Edd and Tom a toothy grin and begins taking out the contents of the duffel bag.

    The two policeman stare in awe as Tord begins placing down the firearms on the desk.

    Tom blows a long whistle and Edd lets out a ‘woah’.

    Tord glances at Tom in satisfacion, still taking out the guns. ‘Three MAKarons, two boxes of AKaramel popcorn — all the good stuff.’

    Edd reaches for a random gun and scans it. ‘They’ve even got serial numbers,’ he says to Tom, ‘and you said they aren’t allowed.’

    Tom narrows his eyes at Tord. ‘You sure none of these were involved in any criminal acts?’ he raises an eyebrow.

    ‘How would I know?’ Tord shrugs, ‘I just found this bag outside, looked inside it and saw it was trunk loaded. So I’m on my way to you because you know how I’m a good citizen, and then I see this notice outside.’

    ‘Tord, you, you fulfilled — overfilled — the order on your own!’ Edd beams at him, ‘thank you!’

    Tord shrugs like it’s nothing. ‘You know me, chief, I’m always down for legally earning for some booze.’

    Tom walks over to Tord and tells him to sign a paper that he had given the guns.

    The policemen thank Tord once again, give him the promised, and the rebel leaves.

    Then, the telephone rings.

    ‘Hello?’ Tom’s voice is slurred from his relaxed pose on the chair, proud in completing the order. 

    Edd flinches as Tom suddenly leaps up, slapping a saluting hand to his forehead. 

    ‘Yes, General, sir! Lieutenant ***!’ Tom says formally, and Edd’s heart starts beating fast.

    ‘You couldn’t reach us?’ We were, well, busy completing the new order You gave us!’ Tom pauses, and his expression turns confused. ‘What? Our gunsmith was robbed?’

    Tom gestures for Edd to start writing it down.

    ‘Three Makarovs and two machine guns. . .?’ Tom’s eyes widen as the fall onto the desk and to the guns that Tord had gave in.

    Edd swallows.

    ‘Well, we, uh, we found — we _are_ looking for them! But we will definately find them! Yes, alright.’ Tom drops the phone.

    Edd is fuming, getting up and running towards the exit, followed shortly by Tom.

    ‘ _Tord!_ ’


End file.
